Joel West's Page

Above the 49th Parallel

Yes, Glenn Beck is a pin head. Yes, Rush Limbaugh is a drug addled degenerate who can only get hard when he thinks of Barbara Bush defecating. Yes, Bill O’Reilly has all the manners of a recovered cocaine addict and the sweet subtlety of an anal probe. Yes, Sean Hannity blows dead bears. Yes, Sarah Palin’s main talent with her mouth is not talking. Yes, Michelle Bachman needs to have her prescription for ritalin cut back. Yes, Christine O’Donnell is a throwback to the days of the inquisition. And finally yes, Ann Coulter is a wretched excuse for a human being male, female or whatever,

That’s not the point.

The point is that while Glenn Beck (henceforeth to be known as Bobo the Simpleminded) and his ilk make a pronunciation that is evil, stupid, wrong minded, hilarious and just plain stupid, he isn’t playing to us. When Bill (Captain Queeg) O’Reilly goes off the deep end and foaming at the mouth, he gets paid. And, all of the above, evil scum sucking as they are, get paid well. They get paid very well.

So when Scott Walker is stubborn as he is, it’s NOT political suicide, babies. It’s am audition for the biggest reality show this side of the 49th parralel. Because when Walker gets recalled, or beaten (I mean that politically by the way), he is ready to make the big bucks stumping the Conservative Comedy circuit, he’ll be able to prove to them that he was not defeated fairly. It was a conspiracy of damn Hippie Liberal pundits who beat poor old American Scott (like the toilet tissue). And he’ll froth and he’ll moan. Right now, babies, old Scott is just paying his dues.

The point is that politics has become show biz. When Bill Clinton played his sax on the Arsenio Hall show, politics changed. It always was show biz, but now it has become mandatory that each and every presidential candidate bring his or her message to the peepul. That they pander to the peepul. That they make the peepul like them.

Now, Mr. Clinton is not to my taste but he showed the people, I am one of you. I belong. I probably hot box my wife. And the people loved him for it.

I am not saying that Mr. Clinton was not qualified to be president. I am saying he pandered.

The question henceforth is going to be all about image and it is not going to be about presidential image.

It’s going to be about who can connect with the voters, not on an intellectual, policy level, but on a gut level.

And Johnny Knoxville will be the next President.

Posted via email from I Comic | Comment »

Love Letter to Ann Coulter

Dear Ann

I think that it’s finally time that I come clean. I love you unabashedly. I yearn to hear you trash talk Muslims, I dream of watching you make fun of Jews and yes, dearest Ann, I actually masturbate when you sneer, yes sneer, at liberals like me. It’s not that I can’t afford to pay to see you trample our lessers, dearest, it’s just that I think the money could go better places. Like my own pocket.

Just a few grumbles, muffin. Is it really needful to ban ALL Muslims from flying? How do we decide who is a Muslim? Do we go by looks? And aren’t all those Jews close enough to Muslims to be Muslims? Maybe it’s better to ban everyone except those we are sure about, the safe ones. Like you and me. Or maybe just me.

And another question, sweet pea. We know that it was you who purposefully leaked information to the press during the Paula Jones hearings. You were trying, you say, to help poor Paula Jones by leaking information to the press that was damaging. Ultimately, didn’t you ultimately help only Ann Coulter? Someone, not me, might call that a lawyer acting in bad faith. But we know that wouldn’t be you.

Also, darling, I think that it’s criminal that the Libertarian Party of Connecticut refused to endorse you as their third party candidate. I mean even a has been wrestler like Jesse Ventura could get the endorsement. Probably someone in the party thought you would go off on your own and be as you say ‘unbalanced’. Like anyone who knows you and loves you like I do wouldn’t know you are unbalanced. You don’t need to keep telling us.

I think you were wise at drawing the line and not commenting on John Edwards by saying “I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards, but it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the word ‘faggot’.” Did they teach you such marvelous use of rhetoric in law school? By specifically not stating what you wanted to! It would be wrong for me to call that cowardice or gutlessness and I can’t think of the proper adjective… What the hell dearest, it WAS gutless and it was cowardly.

And lover, your tour of Canada! It was such a pleasure to have you in my country. True they did in your perception harass you and true you did in your mind rejoinder. But please in the future do NOT wear a burka in Quebec! It could get you refused government services. Best to stay south of the border where human rights are protected so much better than in Canada. It’s not our fault that you sold so well that the venue was closed, not as you say to silence you, but because there were too many people that it was a fire hazard. You were given the option to move to a bigger venue but that would have made such lousy press. Good for you!

Ann, sweet lovable Ann, gentle and ladylike. “We’re not thinking about you. Especially WASPs. We think everybody is inferior, and we are perfectly charming about it.” Isolationism is working so well for North Korea. It worked so well for Japan. How BRILLIANT of you to use that strategy. And yet somehow it comes off a tad less than charming. Okay, a lot less. And a touch, a teeny, tiny touch, racist. Okay a lot racist.

My dearest Ann. I yearn for you always. May God keep you Ann, south of the 49th parallel and out of Canada.

Love

Joel.